Admit it. Fashion is ridiculous.

1. It is irrational and subjective.
2. It is juvenile and superficial.
3. It is wasteful and silly.

I am sure to irritate people with this post. But I feel there is something that should be said on this subject. Let me begin first by acknowledging the right for people to express themselves however they like and, if the only aspect of themselves they find important to express is found via their appearance, then great. Good for them. They might be idiots, but good for them all the same. Let me also say that I support fun. Buying clothes and slapping them on is exceptionally fun for some. My gripe is not with clothes. My gripe is with the arbitrary “in and out” artificiality of the industry.

A case in point (and what sparked this opinion): a major national news program leveraged a “use it or toss it” segment from a well known fashion magazine. Certain items were deemed no longer appropriate, such as cowboy boots, chandelier earrings and cargo pants. Other items were declared freshly important such as oversized bags, leggings and ballet slippers. Sorry…is someone making a joke? Because I can’t stop laughing. We are supposed to be this country of rugged individualists, yet I suspect in a year’s time the assertions made above will become cardinal and widespread.

Where does this nonsense come from? There is a lot to mull over on this subject.

Consider the historical angle. How could the very rich distinguish themselves from their inferiors? By constantly updating their wardrobes is one way. The court of the 17th and 18th centuries demonstrates this brand of insanity in a dramatic way. Courtiers follow the royals, haute bourgeoisie and rural aristocrats follow the courtiers and so on…until you run out of people able to expend the needed monies to keep up. Status could be instantly recognized by how behind the newest look you are. The pinnacle of this madness featured individuals so decadent as to have custom clothes made for them to wear only once and never again. It also demonstrated how moronic things could get as in the adoption of powdered wigs originating from the hair loss of Louis XIII after a nasty bout of sypillis. In what way other than one of sheer absurdity did this…look good?

There is developmental psychology to consider. The anxiety of peer approval. The obsession begins in middle school doesn’t it? Mapping out social equity. Cool kids vs. uncool kids. Styles selected in order to be presentable in a light that portends to elicit favorable social response? Of course this has nothing to do with the actual, physical material items themselves, but with the arbitrary rules of the setting. A boarding school in New England would have a much different set of standards than a public school in south central Los Angeles. A school in Dallas would have very different definitions than a school in California. This underscores the meaninglessness of opinion. What matters is perception. Becoming a follower begins early. And it never really goes away.

Then lastly, perhaps we should consider the gender studies angle. Beauty and fashion are aspects of culture seemingly more appealing or widespread among women. Now, I’ve had a whole gang of discussions with women about the horrible impact on self esteem and body image that comes from an environment saturated with unattainable ideals of beauty. Still, when the voices of Style speak…everyone snaps into place. And what is the point? Say what you want but on some level it is about being attractive to the opposite sex. Drawing attention. An example of the strange inverted policy among humans versus the rest of the animal world where it is the male who must work to attract a female partner via vibrant adornment. (Ladies, you’re helping make it a man’s world.)

Stupid, isn’t it? Allowing others to proscribe what is worthwhile and what isn’t? Okay. I began this diatribe with some assertions. Allow me to put some meat on the bone point by point.

Fashion is irrational and subjective. The aim is to zig when others zag. Why the trucker hat came (and passed) or the frightening return of tapered jeans is upon us is seemingly without reason. Irony at play, then adopted by those who cannot define irony even if their lives depended on it. Who are these tastemakers? Because I’ve got a piano necktie with their name on it.

It is juvenile and superficial. Children learn that cruelty to others makes them feel better about themselves. In a more nuanced way, the woman with her Birkin shames others to see how superior she is. (They hate her. But they’d love to have the bag.) In a society without formal class demarcation, the very rich want to put the well-off in their place. It’s a giant school yard. Full of bullies. And…what is more superficial than the beauty industry? That we live in a society where there are $60,000 handbags may be worse than one where you needed to pile a giant tower of white horsehair on your head and paint various black moles about your mouth.

Finally, fashion is wasteful and silly because it is of fleeting importance. It is intended to mutate. Items with immense margins are paraded about for consumption as ‘must have’ replacement for other items which are perfectly functional, but no longer ‘acceptable’. The one constant is that if you buy the most fashionable items, you will rapidly look ridiculous. (Ahem, UGG Boots?)

We simply have too much disposable income, as a society. We revel in entertainment and distraction. God knows I’m aware of this. I’m part of the problem. I’ve bought my share of Hermes ties. I drink like a fish and throw up on Gucci loafers. Wasteful and Silly is the subtitle of my life. However, as noted…I am a clown. Don’t be like me. Admit fashion is stupid, ladies. Don’t get sucked in. Wear what you like. Be yourself. Put down the magazine. Who cares what Scarlett Johansen wears to the supermarket? Don’t be bullied. Aren’t there other aspects of your identity that are more important that your accoutrement? If only there were.

In the end, the next time you feel shame about a magazine saying your earrings are SO last year…remember that Fashion and Fascism begin with the same sound.